We're Expecting-ish

This year might look a little different - 

We’re going to be foster parents!  We are very excited to be able to step into the lives of families that need some help and encouragement.  Orphan care has been on our hearts for a long time, and in 2015 we knew that God was leading us to start the process to become foster parents.  Now, after two years of meetings, training, paperwork and waiting, we are just waiting for a call!

We have told the agency that we’re open to more than one kid at a time and also that we’re ok with any ages, so they could call us with an infant or 18-year-old triplets. We’re trusting that God is going to bring the right kid(s) into our family.  “Bring them into our family” – really, more like “add us to their family.”  The first goal of foster care is that they be reunited with their birth family.  This happens a lot, and it’s good! Yes, it will be sad for us, but that’s not the point – the point is that a kid has a loving home and knows they are cared for, not that our lives would be free of pain.

When is this happening? Any… day? month? year? We have no idea! They could call us with a placement today, or we might not hear from them for a year (which would be great because that would mean that families around us are going strong).  How long will they stay with us?  Don’t know (are you noticing a theme?).  We could have kids live with us for a weekend, a month, or two years.  Generally, if the two-year mark is approaching, then the agency/courts have probably decided that adoption is the goal.

“So, you’re trying to adopt?” Sure! But that’s not really our goal. If our kids are not able to go back to their “family of origin” then we are open to the idea.  One day in our lives we want to adopt for sure, but whether that’s now/soon, we can’t say.

WE NEED YOUR HELP!  We need your help in a lot of ways: prayer, first of all. This isn’t going to be easy – for us, for kids, for birth parents – not easy.  So we ask that you would pray for us to have strength, wisdom, compassion, and provision; pray for our kids to grow and that their time spent in our home would change the trajectory of their lives; pray for birth families to come to know the Lord and be made whole and healed.

We also need your help making these kids feel welcomed.  We can’t imagine the trauma of being removed from your house and the life you’ve known, then dropped into a different house with different parents and different culture (every family has different culture), where everyone knows you’re new – it is something no child should have to go through.  So, we ask that you help us by including our kids; if you see us one day and all of a sudden we’re a family of five, come introduce yourself to our kids.  Please try to avoid asking questions about “why were they removed from their home” – it is not our story to share, nor is it something the kids will want to explain (if they’re even old enough to understand what happened).  Also, we usually won’t know how long they will be living with us, so we might tell you, “Hi! This is Baby and she’s staying with us all week.” but if we don’t offer something like that, it’s most likely because we do not know.

However, these are our real kids, even if it is just for a short time, so come talk to them and get to know them and love on them.  The love and acceptance you show them may be something they’ve never experienced before, and it could truly change their life.

“But, aren’t they… messed up?” Have our kids had trauma? YES. Even if they’re not a story on the news about horrible abuse, the experience of being taken out of their home and away from parents is traumatic.  Parents, you know how bad kids are at managing their emotions, and trauma makes for BIG FEELINGS.  So there might be some anger or tears or acting out, because they’re hurt! Hurt, but not broken or irreparably damaged. These kids have faced more than we have had to, and we are eager to help them thrive and learn how to deal with their feelings.  We have hope that there can be healing for kids that are wearing their hurt on their sleeve.

The usual follow-up question is whether we will have birth-babies too - and we don’t know. Maybe. We haven’t tried, and haven’t yet decided whether we ever will try.

We know this isn’t the normal path for most families, but we are so grateful for the support and excitement that you all have been showing. We are excited to be parents and to love kids who need it!  

If you have a heart for this ministry that is foster parenting and want to be involved when we get a placement – babysitting, a prepared meal, etc. – or just want updates on the process and what’s going on, we're going to do our best to keep people updated with blog posts/emails. If you want to receive those, let us know and we’ll put you on the list.

We are grateful for you all!

Love,

Jake and Beth

I (Jake) wanted to add one last thought.  People who hear about what we’re doing often say the same thing: “Oh wow that’s so great of you guys, I could never do that!”  But the thing is, I would have said the exact same thing not too long ago.  When Beth first brought up the idea while we were dating, I was not very stoked about it.  For some reason I thought “foster child” was synonymous with “problem child,” which didn’t sound too appealing.  No thanks, not for me.  But as I learned more, I realized that every single one of these children is a victim.  Usually, the child has either been neglected or abused in some way.  They are often starving for love.  Over time, my heart began to break for them, and now I can’t wait to have them in my home – struggles and all.

So sure, foster parenting may not be for everyone, but I would challenge you to take a little more time to really think about whether it may be for you. It is a massive need in this country and could make an unbelievable difference in some kids’ lives. If you’re curious about some of the statistics, here is a fact sheet, and here is a more recent and more nerdy one. Okay, sermon over.